Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Surgery date, and info

Surgery date is November 2nd .... start time is 10 a.m. Dr. Reisner said he is going to try to do the C-collar instead of the HALO device so I'm happy about that. Kind of. Just means that my job will be even harder on keeping him safe until the bone graph takes and the fusion heals. The thought of my baby's chest being open, a part of a rib taken out and then his neck and skull, oh that baby's neck and skull has always worried me. Right now I'm trying to keep my eyes on coming home and how much of a weight will be lifted when he's all healed up.
 There are times when this doesn't work and I find myself holding my breath. Lord, I don't know how I'm going to do this. My son, my baby, this sweet little soul who has always been wise beyond his years....He's never done anything to anyone. I can't and don't want to imagine life without him, yet we have to have a "plan" in case something goes wrong. When I heard his sweet little cry the day before easter 7 years ago I never imagined any of this.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade a day without him for a day with a different "healthy" kid. But when you have a child who has special needs, you do grieve, you do suffer a loss, yes your child is still with you but your hopes and dreams are still shattered to a certain extent. This surgery for Adam seals the deal. He'll never be catcher , or any other position on a baseball team, forget football, soccer, hockey, anything can hurt him. The hearing was obvious at birth. That was enough.  The genetic issues, was a little more than enough. Autism reared its ugly head, I have to admit that was unreal. Then Cerebral Palsy joined the party....the only thing I thought at that point was SERIOUSLY?!? and NOW. This. Wow. My life has turned into a lifetime movie. My child is an original. There has been and never will be another child like him. A part of me says "thank GOD!"  Another part struggles with knowing he'll never know a child who is his by blood. Anyway, how's that for ADD?
 Back to surgery. Please pray for him. Please pray for us....please pray for me, pray for God to hold me up when they wheel him away. He's got 2 grandmas and a baby brother or sister up in heaven and I pray that they hold his hand when I can't. I pray that God gives him the sweetest of dreams while the surgery is being done, and afterwards recovery is a breeze, pain will be minimal, and there won't be any drama.  Hopefully November 2, 2010 will be the first day of the rest of his life, a step forward. I hope he takes off running too!