Friday, September 9, 2011

A new heart.... Or an old one healed.

About this time 8 years ago I was at home with my beautiful baby boy, he was around 6 months old and cute as a button! He was small for his age - wearing 3-6 month clothes, tiny little feet, itty bitty hands, cute little ears, etc...but he had a HUGE heart... The kid smiled non stop. I jokingly say that I had to remember to feed him because he never cried- well it's mostly true! Adams was a snuggly, squishy, sweet baby boy. We didn't know then, and are still finding out just how resillient he is. Also, what a MIRACLE he is.

If you know me, you know I love to take a shower, the hotter the water the better.... Add some good smelling soap and I'm in heaven! I do alot in the shower (other than bathe of course!)... That includes talking to God, "formal" praying, talking to myself (you didn't know I was crazy?!), and relaxing.

 We were getting ready to go back to the cardiologist to check on Adam's enlarged ventricle and hole in his heart. In my normal (lunatic) fashion, the night before A's appointment I prayed in the shower. It was a crying, pleading, heart breaking prayer time. I got mad, I got sad, I got strong, and that was replaced with weakness, it was actually quite bipolar thinking back on it LOL!... One thing that I DO know is that without God in Adam's life he'd be nothing. He wouldn't be here. Even THAT long ago, still in the honeymoon stage of having our baby boy we knew that.... maybe it was a window into what was to come over the next 8 years. Who knows.... Anyway, during all that praying this came to me. " I may not heal Adam physically. But I will heal his heart. " I thought this meant physically heal his heart (duh, me). Adam's heart DID check out much better at that appointment, in fact, we haven't seen Dr. Donner since! :D I was a happy Mama, Keith was a happy Daddy, Papa and Grandpa were over joyed, Grandma cried and said "I knew it! I told you all along that boy is going to be just FINE!" ....  It was a great day!

We've had hiccups, road bumps, black clouds that won't leave us alone, and blessings. All of the can'ts, won'ts, will nevers.... they are just yield signs to this little boy. I'll list some of them now:
" Adam won't crawl until he's at least 18 months old, possibly even two."- DONE- 12 months old :D (This kid drug his head on the floor for 6 months, all the time gaining strength"
"We don't expect Adam to walk until he's around 3 years old." DONE- 18 months
" This child's head was held together for the past 7 years with nothing but scar tissue, you must be really good parents because he shouldn't be here!" -DONE.... He's HERE, and right now playing on the playground with his friends at school! (Not to mention he's fallen down stairs, off slides, out of swings, off his bed, off the top bunk on his bed, etc all BEFORE the fusion)
"With hearing like Adams, he should be non verbal." - DONE- The kid won't shut up. Seriously. He's a blabber mouth. No, we don't understand everything he says but he'll get there... Wait and see.

Those... ^ those right up there ^^^ are just suggestions to this little boy. He's improving daily. He has a long, hard road ahead of him. NO- he hasn't been fully healed physically... But you should get to know his heart- It's full of gold..... and God. Never underestimate the power of prayer. Ever.

"God is GREAT!" - Adams. (Mommy, Daddy, Sissy, Budder, and Elwie think so too!)

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Realizing you can't fix things.

I can't fix Adam. I can't change his DNA, I can't take away the autism and CP. I can't take his aches and pains out of his neck and head when the weather is wacky. I can't tell his medical problems, even his allergies just to leave him alone already. I have. I would. I still do. It doesn't work that way. If love could heal him, he'd be the healthiest happiest person on the planet right now. Yesterday was a quiet day, he barely spoke, generally felt icky because it was a rainy day. I guess the good thing is it wasn't contagious...the bad thing is, it wasn't contagious. If it was, it would run through the family then leave... this won't leave. We have to deal with things as they come the best way we know how. I hope that Adam learns one thing during his life, he is loved.

Monday, April 18, 2011

To Adams: The day before your 8th birthday

Dear Bug,
I want you to know that I love you so very much and I have always known that you were an extraordinary child...from the day I found out that I was pregnant with you I knew that you were going to teach me so much about life. I got pregnant with you during a huge change in my life, you suprised me that's for sure, but walking into that doctor's office first thing in the morning I gave it up to God... if I was going to have a child it was going to be because it was ordered by Him (and Nanna and Auntie Laura... My exact words before getting out of the car were " Ok Mama, Laura, and what you want")... Being pregnant with you gave me the drive I needed to have a better life, every decision I have made has been to give you the best that I can... Your biological father still hasn't ceased to amaze me with his lack of care about you. It's his loss, we have gotten to enjoy every milestone, heartache, and triumph that has come with your life and I wouldn't trade that for the world. Your Daddy loves you as his own son, he cut your cord when you were born and has been right there with you ever since.  In 24 1/2 hours from now you will officially be 8 years old. This time 8 years ago I was begging for more time so I wouldn't have to have a c-section...that was the biggest fear I had for some reason. I didn't know how all this would turn out, I was expecting a perfectly healthy little boy because all of the testing the doctors had done came out just fine. I didn't know what was going on, you seemed fine.. I'm so sorry Bug... I'd give anything just to take a little pain from you....and if you do get mad at me sometime, I hope you forgive me. Daddy and I love you so very very much and are so proud of you! Don't ever lose sight of the fact that you have a purpose. Everything you go through we are right there with you cheering you on, catching you when you fall, and celebrating when you overcome obstacles... There will never be anyone else on this Earth that loves you as much as your family does... Time sure does fly little man, you aren't so little anymore. I hope you always make sure to hug me before school, keep that silly laugh of yours, tell your Daddy you love him SO much, and act like your Papa with your out from nowhere jokes and that twinkle in your eye. I don't know what the future holds and that is kind of scary but I know whatever comes, we'll take it and handle it as well as we can. Happy Birthday, sweet boy! May you have many many more.. We love you!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Rascal Flatts-I Won't Let Go Lyrics

For my bug..... I love you. You are the most amazing kid I have ever met in my life. YOU were formed by God , to do his work, and to change the world in your own little way. Our job as parents is to help you through, if only for a little while. I hope you have an amazing day at school. <3

Saturday, March 26, 2011

I don't even know a title for this...maybe reality??

Warning- I don't even know where I'm going with this so excuse the extremely ADD blog post...
We got the call this past week that Adam will be off hold with MAW (Make-a-Wish) on Monday...and we all cheered... He is SO happy, we are SO happy for him. This is an opportunity for him to ask for anything in the world. They're awesome, He's awesome... I'm sad... And please don't get me wrong.... While I am grateful,  I wish there wasn't a need for this organization... I wish he never got approved for it... I wish nobody's child had an illness bad enough to even know about it. While you know that this is something that is supposed to be fun and light hearted you also know that your child is different. Your child has, is , or will face something that will threaten his/her life. That is a huge weight and in Adam's case, as with lots of other MAW kids, we don't know where we stand in the has/is/will area.
Adam had a rough day today, eczema flare up and the rain makes his head and neck hurt.... hopefully this rain will pass and I'll have my happy boy back. He did have lots of hugs for his Daddy this morning. I think he is happy that Daddy doesn't have to work on the weekend anymore, we all are!
I'll keep everyone posted on the MAW stuff of course, hopefully he won't have to wait too long for his wish to be granted, he's too excited!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Comfort for a cold night...

Anyone that is close to our family knows about the macaroni bowl. I don't know where my Grandma got it or even how long she had it, all I know is that it is o.l.d.... That bowl has been an integrate part of our family since I can remember. The only thing that has ever been made in it (that I know of) is macaroni. My grandmother's macaroni was the cure all for everything , colds, flu, heartaches, and was always there during happy times too. My Grandma ended up passing it down to my mom before she died. With Grandma's macaroni you don't eat anything with it. Just get a big old bowl of goodness and chow down. No... savor the first bite. At Grandma's there was a "mmmmmmmm" in unison, at my Mama's the same "mmmmmmm".....and now it's the same at my house. It is hot to the touch, but warms the very soul too. You know that whoever made it did so with love, and just for you.. It's just a bowl with some food in it, but it's what happens around the bowl that matters. The tears of sadness, and of joy surround it....but most of all it is filled with love.  I hope my kids cherish  this like my family does, I hope that the memories flood back for them just like they do for me long after I'm gone, and I hope that every time they make "Grandma's  macaroni and cheese" it brings them comfort because it will be a huge hug from all of us.  Spend time with your family, make it a point to talk to them and spend time with them....especially if they are old. Time goes by SO fast. Think long and hard about what's in your "bowl" and how people will remember you.

Monday, January 3, 2011

2 months down 4-10 to go and we'll be??? Doing whatever this little guy wants!

Know what he wishes for????
How amazing is that?????  I'm relaxing just looking at this picture.
Oh and he wants this too
I'm so stinkin excited for him!!!! I'm sure he'll have a ball (of course we will too!) a whole week of YES....because NO won't be in our vocabulary (unless there are any dare devil stunts or things that are just never allowable lol) 
We had a GREAT Christmas and are SO glad it's a NEW year!! Surely this year will be better than the last!?