Wednesday, September 26, 2012

10 Things I Want Our Other Kids To Know

Adam is home on fall break which means my routine is messed up. If my routine is messed up EVERYONE'S routine is messed up. I was just sitting here thinking that there are SO many things I wish I could tell my other kids. They are 15, 7 and 5. So I'm going to write down ten of them. Enjoy <3 p="p">
1) You are JUST as important, special, loved and miraculous as your brother. So many times we get caught up in appointments, medicines, treatments, therapies and school work that we don't take the time to look you in the eye and tell you that you are loved just as much. Even if we forget to say it, we see the 97 in 10th grade math, the 100's in all your 2nd grade classes and the fact that you are finally able to write an A beautifully! We are so proud of you!

2) I wish we could spend more one on one time together. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to step back and let your brother take up so much of our time. All three of you are so patient with us and wait until we have spare time to spend with you individually. Harold- you show us so much grace it's unreal. Emily- you're right there beside us, helping us take care of your brother. You always forgive us when we have to change plans. Ellie- my precious... You're growing up so fast. I love being surrounded by your pinks and purples, glitter and baby dolls. Stay little just a little while longer.

3) Your strength amazes me.  The hospitals, the surgeries, the needles, emergency rooms, doctors, and medicines don't scare you. If it does, you deal with it and move on. I honestly don't know how you do it. God gave you all amazing strength. You can, and have dealt with unimaginable things and you came out stronger.

4) It's ok not to be strong all the time. I know- kind of weird after number 3...but seriously. Come to us with your problems. Cry on our shoulders if you need to. We're your parents and we want to help. Nobody is going to love you more than we do. Other than God. Ever.

5) TELL US. About your stupid argument with your friend at school. That you just can't figure out this math problem. (Emily)  That moving up in Sunday school and having to leave your best friend behind is kinda hard on you (Ellie). That you want to play football and baseball (Harold).  We want to know the day to day of your lives. This is normal- and normal is GOOD! :)

6) Frustration is normal.  Sometimes we all have bad days. We all get frustrated. It's ok to be that way. If you're frustrated in a situation- take a step back from it. Just leave it. Go ahead. It'll be there when you get your emotions under control.

7) It's ok to grieve. Your brother won't be the star quarterback. He struggles in school. Every day situations are overwhelming to him sometimes. He won't give you any nieces or nephews. You will have to help him for the rest of his life. Some days are just bad days. It's ok to be sad about it. It's ok to think about the future and grieve the what if's, the never wills, and the how's...

8) We serve an AWESOME God. Never underestimate His power. Ever. You have been witness of many miracles in your brother's life. Never forget that. Even when everything is all doom and gloom. He's the light at the end of the tunnel. Rest in him.

9) Adam LOVES you. Even if he yells at you. Even if he cries. Even if he says doesn't. Even if it seems like he gets sick or has a bad day whenever we have something planned just for you. It isn't on purpose.

10) Never ever give up. Ever. On anything. It's a famous quote. I don't remember who from... but it's true. Do you! Don't give up! We'll all get through this together. Remember that 'Incredibles' shirt that Adam has?? Well you need one too!

I can keep going on and on... Hopefully the kids read this one day. For now- I'm going to work on showing them more often.

Special needs kids are amazing. Their siblings are sometimes even more amazing. They're the ones ditching friends for using the "r" word. They push wheelchairs and strollers for tired moms and dads. They are the ones hugging melting down kids in the grocery stores just so mom can finish at the cash register. They do the dishes when mom falls asleep sitting up after dinner. They get up early in the morning for that 10-20 minutes of one on one time before school. They know how to measure medicine and can tell the doctor every one of their sibling's diagnoses. Their world stops when ours does. And they carry on where we left off after we die.


Thursday, September 6, 2012

To my babies : About your Grandmothers

If I could I would bring them back just so you could get to know them.
       None of you ever got the chance to meet your Nana (My Mama) on this side of Heaven. She wanted you all before you were even a twinkle in my eye. Every day she would ask me if I was pregnant yet. She chose her name "Nana". She wanted your Daddy and Papa to take you fishing and hunting with them. I wish I could have taken pictures of her or video taped her talking about her future grand kids. I am so sorry for not thinking ahead. She LOVED you BEFORE you were born. That is TRUE, UNCONDITIONAL love. You could see it in her eyes- they would just sparkle, and she would have the biggest smile on her face. She was SO looking forward to a future with you in it.
         Now about your Grandma (Daddy's Mama)..... She loved you ALL so very very much!
Emily- You remember Grandma rocking you in her chair and the fun you would have when she would pick you up from school. You also remember the love she had for ALL her grand kids. You were so special to her...she always took time out to sit and listen to anything you had to say. She also would tell you how much your Daddy loves you every chance she got. You had a hard time when you were little but it went away at Grandma's house. She took very good care of you with your Daddy and always made sure you had everything you needed when Daddy was working.
          Adams- You are the only grandchild that Grandma was in the room with when they were born. She was SO happy to be there! She didn't want to leave but Grandpa got her to after promising that he would bring her back the next day. Y'all rocked and rocked and rocked some more. When we left the hospital after having you we did two things 1) Ate lunch and 2) Went to Grandma's. She sat in her chair and rocked you all day long. She said you fit perfectly in her arms. The two of you spent many days just rocking. When doctors sent you home because they didn't know what was "wrong" with you or how to help she would sit and rock you. The whole time she would look at your Daddy and I and tell us that there "wasn't a thing wrong with that baby!" ... That you were perfect. She knew exactly what we needed to hear. YOU ARE PERFECT!
           Harold- Grandma's health got worse when I was pregnant with you. We used to go out with Grandma and Grandpa all the time and spend lots of time with them. She enjoyed wondering who you would look like and what your personality would be. She cried when Daddy told her your name was going to be "Harold Alan" just like Grandpa. She said she couldn't think of a better name and that if you ended up half the man he was you would be just fine. She liked to hold and rock you too. When you got a little older she loved to hear what you were doing and what new things you had learned. She called you "Keith's Mini Me" and loved your blond hair. You always sat by her and talked to her, sometimes for hours. You never forgot to tell her you loved her and she always said "I love you too Baby Boy".
           Ellie- Grandma loved it when you would sit with her and love on her. She was so happy to have another grand daughter. We didn't get to spend as much time with her as we wanted because we moved when you were 5 months old. She always told you she loved you and you always gave her kisses. I know she loved that.
           All four of you are precious, sweet, loving, smart, and beautiful. You didn't do anything wrong for your Grandmas to have died.. It's the exact opposite... God loves you SO much that he sent Jesus (his son) to die on the cross to save YOU (and me, and grandmas, and grandpas, and everyone) from sin.  NOTHING can separate you from God if you believe that. Both of your grandmothers believed in God and Jesus so right now they are in Heaven waiting on us! When your life is complete here on Earth and God calls you to Heaven you'll see them again. They are just out of our reach. The GOOD thing about Heaven is that time moves SO fast they won't even know we weren't with them! So smile babies- I love you so much and your grandmas wouldn't want you to be sad.

-Love you always, Mama